Sorry for not having updated in a while. Yeah, I know most
of you reading this if you ever find this blog won’t even be aware of the
passage of time, but still I feel like apologizing. I know that when I go back
through my own journals it always seems silly me apologizing for time gaps on
every other page.
Anyways,
I’ve been off of my medication for a while. I didn’t bother
telling my parents but they probably have noticed that the amount of pills left
in the bottle hasn’t changed in a couple of months. Or maybe they haven’t. But
basically I’ve been laying around doing not much of anything productive. I
haven’t had a run in with the Rake in a while so I’m guessing it’s off
tormenting the other people who run these other blogs I found. Though… I’m
really not sure if all of them (or any of them) are legit. I remember reading
through one that actually had credits at the end. So… yeah.
The past couple of months have dragged on slowly. I forgot
how sluggish I got when not medicated. I’ve had many days where I would wake up
late in the morning and just immediately pull my laptop onto the bed and start
reading through people’s blogs until my parents would call me upstairs to get
food around dinnertime. I got past the initial upset I felt at people faking
experiences and joking about these Fears, and now I can actually honestly say
that I’ve enjoyed some of them for what they are: stories. The Fear Mythos
would be really interesting and fun and I might have even been one of those
people to try and write my own fearblog.
Except for the fact that I’m already writing this blog
here. Makes me wanna scream.
Reading those other blogs makes me want to pick mine apart
as if it were some fucked up story that I got stuck as a character in. And
picking apart this blog as if it were fiction makes me question some things.
Like, why the hell
was the Slenderman in my neighbor’s backyard? If I were reading someone else’s
story I would probably call bullshit and say that they were just throwing in an
arbitrary slendy-sighting to hype up the plot and set the mood or something,
but I actually fucking saw him there for no goddamned reason at all? And I haven’t
seen him since! Some of the blogs have this “game” or something going on or
there are like rivalries and stuff between the Fears that explain why some show
up around the others for no reason, and a lot of people like to say that the
Slenderman keeps tabs on what the Rake does for some reason or another. Maybe that’s what he was up to? I don’t know.
I’m glad I haven’t seen either of those creatures outside
lately though. My parents just had a big talk with me yesterday about how “we
know you’re dealing with a lot of medical and emotional things right now, but
you still need to not sit around on your computer all day.” So basically I’m
going to have to go job hunting here in the next couple of days. Getting out
should make me feel like a human again, but I can’t say I’m not scared that I’ll
see something on the streets that I don’t want to ever see again.
I’m about to go and re-read my blog. Maybe I can find more
ways to pick it apart… I’ve got nothing better to do right now. Well, that’s a
lie I have plenty more productive things I could be doing (job hunting, research/reading, beading, making up bullshit to post on that other blog so my parents will have something to feed off of for a while). But why do something
productive when I could sit around back-tracking?
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