Realizations

You know what I just realized?
My life really isn't all that bad.

I have parents that love me. They may treat me like a kid sometimes, but I can see why they would do that. I've always needed help with things. They just want to help their baby.

My childhood wasn't bad at all, and life right now isn't even all that bad except for the spooky things that keep on happening. My parents are still supporting me even though I still haven't found my way into college and don't have a job. I've got a working laptop and plenty of food and I can keep clean and fairly healthy if I wanted to. I have access to pills that would buffer the bad moods that come along with my depression. I'm not taking them, but I have the access to them. Some people don't even get that.

I still don't want to take the pills, though.

I want to be able to feel my emotions while I still can. I've been thinking a lot about what it would be like to be dead, thinking that awful "what if there's nothing there?" question. I know that if that is the case I won't even be aware of the fact that I'm dead so it wouldn't bother me to not feel anything, but right now just those thoughts have been freaking me out.

That creature could have killed me.
That creature could have very easily killed me.

...
That creature has been showing its ugly face more and more lately.

So, if I'm near death anyways, I want to feel all of the emotions that I can in the time I've got left.