Realizations

You know what I just realized?
My life really isn't all that bad.

I have parents that love me. They may treat me like a kid sometimes, but I can see why they would do that. I've always needed help with things. They just want to help their baby.

My childhood wasn't bad at all, and life right now isn't even all that bad except for the spooky things that keep on happening. My parents are still supporting me even though I still haven't found my way into college and don't have a job. I've got a working laptop and plenty of food and I can keep clean and fairly healthy if I wanted to. I have access to pills that would buffer the bad moods that come along with my depression. I'm not taking them, but I have the access to them. Some people don't even get that.

I still don't want to take the pills, though.

I want to be able to feel my emotions while I still can. I've been thinking a lot about what it would be like to be dead, thinking that awful "what if there's nothing there?" question. I know that if that is the case I won't even be aware of the fact that I'm dead so it wouldn't bother me to not feel anything, but right now just those thoughts have been freaking me out.

That creature could have killed me.
That creature could have very easily killed me.

...
That creature has been showing its ugly face more and more lately.

So, if I'm near death anyways, I want to feel all of the emotions that I can in the time I've got left.

Couldn't sleep last night.

Hearing whispers, or at least they sound like whispers. I think it might be the lack of medication but I'm really hoping that's not the case.

Goodbye drugs...

So I've basically just stopped taking my medication over the past week or so. My mood's been so much worse. I guess I can't escape the fact that I have depression problems, but it still pisses me off that all of this damned pointless therapy stuff is because of that stupid pale clawed creature that marked up my arms.

Man if I could just mark that fucker up...

Of course.

I probably brought that onto myself. and by THAT, I mean that creature came back to pay me a visit last night, probably because I started talking about it again. Of course it had to go and happen as soon as I'm trying to settle down and just futz around online.

I heard scratching noises coming from the garage. Despite knowing that anyone who actually goes to investigate the scary noises in movies are all dumbasses, I went to investigate. There wasn't anything actually in the garage, but the scratching noises still continued. It was at the garage door. It must have remembered me hiding from it by going into the garage and pulling the door closed on it a while back.
I don't think it could tell I was just on the other side of the door. Maybe there were too many scents or something confusing it? I don't know. I still don't know just how dog like or human like or what this creature even is besides painful.
I managed to sneak a look at it though while it was picking away at the old wood of the door. It's hard to describe what I felt looking down at it, knowing it was after me, thinking that it didn't know I was there. It was only a minute that I stood there before suddenly it looked over at something off in the distance and began to bound off in that direction. I'm so glad it didn't look up at the window where I'd pulled the little curtains back to watch it.
It pulled off a bunch of the wood.
Damned claw dog... thing.

Not Quite Fixed

I got fired from my job. That's why I stopped posting originally. I felt ill thinking that I wouldn't have something to get me out of the house, but at the same time glad that I wouldn't have to leave the semi-comfort of my home. Then again, even with all the potential beasts outside the walls of my home, my parents could make it it's own living hell.

Once they found out I'd lost my job they got furious, but things simmered down. Once I'd started to feel comfortable enough to just try to relax back into my old life and habits and get online my computer picked up a bunch of malware. Just my luck.

Well, I got my computer fixed as a Christmas gift and my parents have basically just gone back to treating me like a child. I've done a bit more reading up on this whole Slender Man thing and it really just makes me irritated seeing him all over the place. I even tried playing that Slender video game with the notes and the trees and stuff. It just doesn't seem right....

Haven't seen much about that thing that attacked me though. I guess I'm not looking in the right places. Well, when I say I haven't seen much about that Thing, I meant online. I had another run-in with it but I managed to escape into my garage pretty fast and pull the door down(thank goodness our house doesn't have one of those new automatic slow moving garage doors). That was back in the earlier half of December. (Oh, happy new year I guess.) Since then I've been super jumpy. I think my relatives noticed when they were visiting for the holidays, but I just tried to play it off as being sugar hyper. The medications haven't been helping with the jumpiness. My thoughts are so jumbled. I should ask about switching to a different drug.
I still need to schedule appointments through January.
ugh